In a society where between 40%-50% of the marriages end in divorce you have to wonder if we even know what love is?

We’ve talked about how we love but what about what love is? You’ve met, you’re attracted, they said all the right things or at least that’s what you heard. Right now they couldn’t say the wrong thing. You want nothing more in life at that moment then to be with that person. Everything they say, everything they do, is perfect. Most of us have been there. You can’t go through an hour of the day without thinking about them. When you see them your stomach starts trying out for the Olympic gymnastics team. Just the thought of losing them makes you sick. But, is that love?

The Madness Called NRE

I realized in my early 20’s (my days of defining love and infatuation) that relationships start out burning hot but eventually cool and smolder. I had relationships settle down within a month or two, others took a couple of years. It wasn’t until years later I learned there was a term for that initial madness. NRE; New Relationship Energy.

They say NRE can last from a couple of months to a couple of years. It’s irrational and blinding. You can’t see all those faults that will make your partner a real person. When under the influence of NRE it’s not the time to make any serious decisions about your future together. Be patient, wait until the person starts to get on your last nerve then revisit that thought again.

When NRE finally runs its course (sounds like the flu don’t it) couples start to get to know one another. It’s then that people discover who their partners are. If the relationship is more than the raw attraction caused by NRE. Their bond will continue to deepen and strengthen. If not, oh well, NEXT!

Discovery & Expectations

Once NRE has run its course those initial insecurities begin to fall away. As a couple you become surer of yourselves. I like to say you get down to everyday life. Partners aren’t afraid to tell their significant other when they think they’ve stepped over the line. They’re feeling much more confident. They aren’t afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and chasing that special someone away. This is where those in the relationship become real three dimensional people with hopes and dreams, wants and needs, and most of all faults. This is where you don’t mind farting while your significant other is sitting next to you.

Now the relationship starts to take on a new dimension. It begins to grow deeper and more serious. It’s no longer only laughter and lust but the turbulent ups and downs of everyday life too. Those in the relationship begin to learn who their partners are. They begin to discover each other’s quirks and annoying little mannerisms. If you make it this far the future takes on a clearer focus. Mutual goals for the relationship and its participants start to take shape. At this point, it would be wise to have a discussion about personal expectations, and your expectations for the relationship. If you decide there’s room in your lives and you can tolerate each other things might become more permanent. You might end up with a house-mate, a nesting partner!

Love, I Found You! I Think?

So, you and your significant other have survived through the initial relationship bliss. You’ve discovered who each other is and who you hope to become. You’re in LOVE! You’ve moved in together. You’ve decided to share your future, now what? Now you begin to build that mutual future. Everyone works hard, everyone struggles together. You figure out how to live, work, and cry together. The bond between you becomes stronger and deeper. Then one day you realize the fun has gone out of it. It’s all work and no romance, no intimacy. There could be conflict over raising children. There could be medical issues, maybe someone loses a job. Usually it’s all the above. You look at your life and you ask yourself, “What the hell am I doing?”

Now it’s time to sit down and talk. Let your partner(s) know what’s going on with you. It’s time to remember what matters most in your life. And, it’s through all this adversity you’ll discover what “LOVE” means. For love is not that churning stomach when you first started dating. It’s not the utter bliss the first time you made love. It’s not that feeling of togetherness and unity when you committed to a future together.

This Is Love!

Love is letting your partner(s) go to that game with those once in a lifetime tickets. Even though they had promised to take you out to dinner for your anniversary. Love is your partner staying up with you to talk when you’re upset, even if they have to get up for work in the morning. Love is laughing at the slob who farted sitting next to you while your eyes are burning.

What is Love? Love is Consideration, Dedication, to yourself, your partner(s), and the relationship and Tolerance!