Autonomy, what is it?

Autonomy, I hear that term used often in the non-monogamous world. It seems it’s a term individuals sometimes use to hide behind when they are trying to justify their actions. “I have to leave you to be my true self. I need my autonomy.” Let’s talk about autonomy for a minute.

Autonomy comes from the Greek, auto, meaning self and nomos, meaning law. Therefore, autonomy is self-law or self-governance.

Autonomy then is deciding what action to take when without coercion under one’s own accord. Living one’s life freely on one’s own terms. Studies show that we as humans feel better, experience greater happiness and will perform better if we can act on our own terms and under our own volition. We value our own autonomy so much so that throughout time men have fought and died for the right to decide how they will live their lives.

Don’t Confuse Autonomy With Independence

Don’t confuse independence with autonomy. Independence is the act of living our lives without outside support or guidance. Autonomy on the other hand is making the personal decision about how one will live their life. One can be autonomous yet dependent. It’s that one has made a clear uninfluenced decision to be dependent.

So we’ve now seen how autonomy is a natural desire of the human condition. Philosophically, it’s the free choice to make an informed, un-coerced moral decision because it’s the right thing to do. We need to remember though Newton’s third law of motion. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction! Every decision made has a consequence and autonomy isn’t an excuse to avoid those consequences.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

Consider the COVID-19 situation that has our world in its grips as I write this. Maybe you aren’t in one of the risk groups so rather than following the shelter at home recommendations you go out for a drink or you take the kids to the park. It’s your “RIGHT” to decide whether to go out into public. After all, there’s very little risk that the virus will do any real harm to you or the kids. You have a right to maintain your autonomy. So you go and have a great time with others who think as you do. A few days later you run into Mom at the grocery store and have a nice chat. Of course Mom doesn’t think and hugs you or one of the kids before going on to finish her grocery shopping. One week later Mom comes down sick. She’s caught the coronavirus, two weeks later Mom’s on a ventilator fighting for her life. Now, you might argue there’s no proof she caught the virus from you or her grandchild but is the possibility that she did worth your autonomy?

Autonomy is a gift, one many have died to protect throughout history. It is a privilege to be used wisely and with great care. It’s not a term thrown around to justify rash whims that evolved within the libido rather than a conscientious mind. Autonomy is not a shield to hide behind so one doesn’t have to accept the responsibility for their actions. It is the right to live your life as you see fit but one still has to take responsibility for the impact of that life on the people and world around them!